Emily Battles South London Street Gang

by Andrea on September 27, 2011

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming… Emily was supposed to be writing today’s post, but she has been injured.  I wish I could say it was a blogging related incident, like overly enthusiastic typing, but according to her, it has something to do with a South London street gang.  (???)  Did you know she was so fierce?

I spoke with her briefly this evening, and she said, “Blood everywhere.  Those hoodies came from behind!  Oh, I feel faint.”

While she is literally in urgent care getting stitched up, I thought I’d do some research on how to help her get back on her feet. Obviously, the first step is recovery.  She needs to relax in bed, and when she needs something, Emily can use her handy bell to beckon her caretakers to her bedside.

Recovery will likely be boring.  Remember when I dared mention some nonsense about an Indian Summer?  HA!  Boy, was I wrong.  Anyway, the monsoon weather arrived today, and it is gray and sad.  To help her focus on positive thoughts and happy places, she’ll need this inflatable window.

I take this attack very seriously.  I feel that until we have more details about the incident, we should start her bandage treatment with the crime scene bandages.

Once the incident has been properly investigated, I recommend that she moves on to the tattoo bandaids.  This will instill fear in those that ambushed her.

She should also protect herself with a switchblade comb.  A girl needs to be ready for anything with those South London hoodlums AND look good in the process.

At some key strategic moment, Emily will use her mad Nancy Drew skills to start her own investigation and reconnaissance.  I mean, maybe you are comfortable with the men down in Scotland Yard leading the investigation, but those Southies are notoriously slippery and slither by well trained investigators.  Don’t you worry though, Em has this.

So as she takes on her own investigation, her wound should be in disguise. Don’t you think?  I recommend the mustache bandaids.  They’ll never recognize her or her wound!

You may not know this, but Emily has been mildly intrigued (obsessed) with pirates for a few years now.  I think she should harness this love and enlist them in her battle.  This little tool of the trade is called Pirate Attack.  Ha-yea!

Okay.  I think she is finally set to fight back!  Those Southies will never know what hit them!

PS – If you are interested in any of the accoutrements above, check out Archie McPhees.  For those of you lucky enough to live in our fair city of Seattle, please please please be sure to visit in person. If you need to have a virtual visit, their website is pretty good too.

PPS –  I think if you ask Emily’s husband, who witnessed the attack, he’ll try and convince you that it was something lame like an avocado pulled a blade on her in the kitchen.  I wouldn’t trust him.  He may be in on it!

 

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